Categories
baby dreams funny pregnancy

past 18 weeks, funny prego dreams

I’m almost 19 weeks along in the pregnancy.  Approaching that halfway point.  I’m starting to feel little flutters in there every now and then.  I had leftover spaghetti for breakfast the other day (I love dinner leftovers for breakfast) and that really seemed to make the baby active afterwards.  I went in for a fasting glucose test (as an early screen for gestational diabetes) on Tuesday.  I’m still waiting on the results from that.  My doc said that as long as it is below 92, then I don’t have to be screened again until maybe 28 weeks (?).  Anyways, hopefully that will be okay.

We’ve been sleeping with our windows open at night.  There’s a crazy bird that has been waking me up around 6 am the past few mornings.  It sounds like a combination between an angry chirp and a sad kitty.  Nathan sleeps right through all the ruckus, of course.  Well this morning, the wacky bird call came in between some wacky dreams…

Dream #1:

I was parked at McD’s, getting ready to leave in our new (to us) mini-van and I put the van into Reverse but still had my foot on the brake.  Even with my foot on the brake, and being in “reverse”, the van launched forward into the building.  An employee (I think a manager) called her son who is a lawyer.  The 2 of them made me sit down with them for a chat before the police arrived.  The son asked me how I felt about all the wars going on in the world and if what I did was an act of terrorism.  I kept trying to explain to them that I had the van in reverse, but they were convinced that I was some sort of terrorist.

***  enter wacky bird calls to wake me up  ***  then I fell back to sleep…

Dream #2:

Gwenyth Paltrow was telling me that Nathan and I need to raise our children in London because that is what would be best for them.

***enter crying 2 year old***

Weird dreams. 🙂

Categories
funny sean

What do you want to be when you grow up?

me: What do you want to have as a job when you grow up?

Sean: a Knight!

I love that kid!

Categories
funny sean

Things he says…

The other day at a restaurant, we saw some military personnel in their BDU’s (camo). Here’s how the exchange went:

Sean: Why are they dressed like that?

Me: It’s camouflage.

Sean: But….I can still see them.

Categories
funny sean word of the day

Who’s the president, Professor Sean?

Me: What’s the president’s name, Sean?

Sean: NewracK Obama.

Nathan: You mean Barack Obama?

Sean: no, I call him “Newrack” because he’s the NEW president.

Categories
Albuquerque funny zoo

Funny Zoo “Fact”

Sean, Mia and I went to the zoo yesterday. While standing at the flamingo pond, I overheard a mom tell her young children and her husband, “They sleep with their heads under water, you know.” She said this with all seriousness, not jokingly. Her husband gave her a funny look. Then she corrected herself by saying, “I mean they sleep with their heads in the sand.” Yeah, that’s better. In case you didn’t know, ostriches don’t hide their heads in the sand either.

The Aldabra Giant Tortoises were out and “active”, meaning they moved a few inches while they were eating. i find these to be very cute. I heard a mom tell her little children, “Look how big those are! Imagine getting attacked and eaten by one of those!”. Yep, when I see those, “fierce” is what immediately comes to mind. Never mind the fact that they are mostly herbivores. Maybe there have been cases of giant tortoise attacks on humans who were wearing Carmen Miranda hats.

Categories
Albuquerque freecycle/craigslist funny

Us can prep your childrens for kindergarten! Only $200!

I saw an ad today on Craigslist that advertised for a summer day camp to help prepare your child for kindergarten. I plan on homeschooling my children, but I looked at the ad to see what types of activities were planned as part of the program. I really got a kick out of the ad. Part of the ad stated:

” This will be a month long program with TWO CRETIFIED Rio Rancho Kindergarten teachers. “

I am not responsible for the capitalization… it was like that in the ad. Here’s more of the ad: (The parts within the <> are my doing.)

“Would you like to make sure they <are> ready for August?

If so than <then> this Kindergarten Camp is for your child.

Hurry and sign your child up today, there is <are> ONLY 8 spots available!
$200.00 for the month!”

Now, I know that you may think, “oh, those are just typos”. Yet, if you were advertising for an EDUCATIONAL program, and wanted to highlight the fact that you are CERTIFIED to teach, then wouldn’t it make sense to proof read and spell-check your ad?

Categories
funny sean

Things he says…

Sean was running around the house and playing like he was defeating bad guys. I caught him when he got close to me and I gave him a hug. He told me, “I have to fight the monsters! I don’thave time for hugging ladies!”. He cracks me up. Then he came back in a couple minutes and said, “okay, I’m ready for hugging ladies!”.

He uses a little red scarf as his whip to defeat the bad guys. He’s been doing this since the first time he played Lego Indiana Jones.

Categories
Albuquerque funny

No Soliciting… “No what?”

I was leaving Target the other night and a couple teenage boys came up to me and started their story, while trying to hand me a couple candy canes wrapped in ribbon.

“Excuse me, my grandma is in the hospital and I’d like to give her a Christmas present. Would you like to buy some candy?”

I kept saying no, and he kept asking. Me: “No thanks.” — Him: “She’s in the hospital…” —Me: “No.” — Him: “buy candy?”— Me: “No.” He finally stopped because the security guard came up on the Target security segway (I know, pretty sweet!). The guard said “There’s no soliciting allowed in the parking lot”. The kid said, “no what?”— guard: “no soliciting in the parking lot”. — kid: “no what?” — guard: “no…you can’t try to sell things in the parking lot.” — kid: “oh.”

It made me realize that there may be a large percentage of the population that do not know what “soliciting” means. We have a “No Soliciting” sign on our door and people still come to the door and ring and try to sell us things or give us free samples, or whatever. Either those people don’t know or they just don’t care. Either way, it’s annoying. Nathan and I have tried to come up with ways to get the point across when they ring the doorbell and we accidentally answer it. One thing is to just stay silent and as they continue through their scripted pitch, point at the sign. Maybe even shine it and pretend I’m straightening it. Then wave and close the door. Another thing is to do something completely off the wall, like open the door and when they start the sales pitch, hold up a finger as if to say “hold on” and then go get a handfull of dried beans. Go back to the door and hand them the beans, and when they start to talk again, say “shhh, they’re listening.” then close the door really slow like you’re looking out for something.

I also found that there’s a better sign available that can clear up any sort of confusion over what a solicitor is. Maybe we’ll try that out.

Categories
funny sean

Who is that, Mommy?

I was reading the news on Cnn.com, and Sean saw a picture of John McCain. He said, “who is that, Mommy?”. I told him it was John McCain and that he wants to be the president of the country. Sean looked at me and said, “I’m John McCain and I approve this message.”

Categories
Albuquerque funny pregnancy

Pregnancy invisibility super power

I think it was when I was pregnant with Sean, I was at a local asian grocery store. I believe I was standing near the check out counter, waiting while my mom was paying. There was a little old Asian lady pushing a cart near me and i thought she would walk right past me, since there was plenty of room. Well, she bumped her cart into me instead… repeatedly… saying nothing to me, just bumping me, not hurting me, just gently bumping me…repeatedly. I kept looking at her because I wasn’t sure what she was doing. I thought maybe she’d apologize and walk around me. But no… just bumped…repeatedly. So I stepped away from the cash register and moved out of the way. She walked on like nothing had happened. That was bizarre.

Yesterday, I ventured to walmart. I already don’t like going there because of the long lines and crowdedness of the place. While I was in line and waiting to swipe my card and pay and get my receipt, the elderly woman behind me kept bumping (almost pushing) into me (with her body, not her cart)… repeatedly. The cashier hadn’t started ringing up her items yet… she was still finishing my transaction. Bump. Bump. Bump… repeatedly. I’m waiting for my card to process now. Bump. Bump. Bump… The cashier is staring at the lady behind me… Bump. Bump. Bump. I looked down at the tiny lady behind me and she says, “Oh, I keep bumping into you!”… and then it continues… bump. bump. bump. Waiting for my receipt to print up. bump. Bump. Bump. I get my receipt and tell the cashier to have a nice day. One last bump before I walk away. Now you might wonder if she had some sort of medical condition that made her unable to keep herself stable as she was standing. She was perfectly fine and not invading my bubble while we were farther back in line, so I don’t think that’s it.

Maybe I develop some sort of invisibility super power when I’m pregnant that only manifests itself when I’m standing adjacent to cash register. Is that possible? Maybe I become magnetic when I’m pregnant, hence the shopping cart being drawn to me and perhaps the other lady had a metal hip or something. I don’t know. It will forever remain a mystery to me.